Who’s That With Your Wallet?
Your guide to the people and semi-people of World Book
By Ebinizer Cake
Part 0: World Book: a Land of Many Faces
World is full of different races, and telling them apart can sometimes prove to be quite difficult. For instance, you are walking down a street in the bustling acropolis of Cirith, and a small brown being with long pointed ears and a pointed leafy nose leaps out of an alleyway and brandishes a knife at you. Can you name the species, which has attacked you? No? Well, you have just been threatened by the common Brown Streetgoblin, and are in very deep trouble. So we establish that it is difficult to know how to tell one specie from the other. As well as trouble you may face trying to tell the numerous races of world book apart, you will also face difficulties interacting with them, do you know how to invite a golden Elf to dinner? Or how to challenge a Troll to a race around the monolith? Well, for your information, golden elves do not interact with mortals and so in turn don’t eat, and as for racing the Troll, well, you just don’t. So read on and discover how to tell the different races apart, and also how to interact with them in normal society.
Part 1: Fey Folk (street and otherwise)
What defines fey folk? Well it is accepted fact that all feys evolved from plant life, photosynthesising to gain energy and taking root when they age. This however will not really help you when you are trying to tell them apart. So how do we know they’re fey then? Well most fey folk are green, or at least green tinted (in the case of the common Brown Streetgoblin) they have generally pointed features, and skinny frames. All fey folk have at least partial control over some form of magic, although this is less apparent in streetfey, however they have been known to use magic when threatened.
Goblin: Goblins are characterised by their large pointed ears, large pointed noses, and large pointed knifes. They come in a range of different colours from yellowish to deep brown, although all are green tinted. They are medium sized, and live closer to Humans than most feys. Their language is rudimentary, however most have learnt Man. Goblin society is very close knit but if you are lucky you may be integrated into a family group, or failing that, befriend a lone Goblin. It is probably best to treat Goblins with at least a small Amount of respect, lest you lose your wallet, or in more extreme cases, an ear.
Elf: Elves are characterised by their tall elegant frames, their light green skin, and their pointed ears. There are three distinct species of Elf: Bronze, Silver, and Golden. To tell the difference one need only to look at the eyes, as they are coloured respectively. Most elves are taller than they average Human, and live away from large societies in small communities nestled amongst a group of trees, however there is still a large Elf community in most of the major cities. Elvan language is almost impossible to understand, as most of it exists in other dimensions, which can be quite disconcerting to listen to. All elves have a great control over magic, and, because of this, all other fey folk hate them. Don’t bother trying to befriend an Elf, as it wont work unless you are at least part Elf, or, at a stretch, a quarter. Be respectful of elves, and try not to offend them by breathing or being born.
The Wee: The Wee is a term used to describe whole manners of fey that are miniature sized. This encompasses gnomes, pixies, fairies, and sprites. The reason they are spoken of collectively is because they are of the same family (miniculus) and have evolved differently because of environment. You will know a Wee when you see one because they are absolutely tiny and almost impossible to miss (well, you know what I mean) they come in varying shapes, ie. Gnomes tend to be squatter than pixies, and sprites and fairies are very skinny to enable them to leave the ground (also their bones are hollow like a birds for the same reason) The gnome is the only fey which is not green, tending to be white or brown, and more Humanlike. Language is spoken at too low a pitch to understand fully, except for one known as the Speaker, who is chosen by Wee society to speak for the community. Wee are the least magical of all fey, having next to no magical powers. Its physically impossible to enter Wee society so don’t try because all you’ll achieve is breaking their church. Wee are generally friendly and happy to interact with others.
Part 2: Man (Large, Small, and magical)
The species man has many different guises, although all are similar in at least three characteristics. All are Humanoid, all are bipedal, and all are kind of dense on an ethereal basis. Men evolved from dirt and rain, this explains their tendency to build cities on the ground, and bury their dead under soil. It is relatively easy to place a man when you see it; they are brown or white, grubby, and often wearing excessive clothing on their person. The features of a man are flat and curious; most are of large build although this is not a rule. Of all the species of World Man has the least control over magic, so small is his control in fact, that often, very often, man has no idea he is even using it. There is an exception to this rule; this is the Witch or Wizard, but more on that later.
Human: Humans are characterised by their medium stature, average build, and complete lack of interesting characteristics. The colour of a Human is rather varied, ranging from anywhere to deathly pale, to deep chocolate brown. They grow a fairy Amount of facial hair, but, unlike some other species of man, it has no sway over their social status. Human language is hard to understand and ridiculous, however you will probably learn it eventually if you persevere or are tortured. The most remarkable thing about Humans is their societies, it is accepted that although Humans are not the most Amazing species, they have at least partial control over nearly everywhere on World. Man has a tendency to branch out and take over towns or cities, so, with this in mind it is relatively easy to enter Human society, but that doesn’t mean you should. Humans have vague control over magic, but it tends to fall into luck and coincidence.
Dwarves and Giants: Contrary to popular belief, Dwarves and Giants are actually of the same species. And, as different as the two are, they share many characteristics that may surprise you. Both, for instance, use facial hair as a sign of maturity and status, ie. The more beard one has, the higher up they are status wise. Giants as well as dwarves live underground; the only difference is that Giants tend to live inside mountains, whereas dwarves live under the earth in tunnel systems. The features of a Dwarf or Giant are flat and chunky, with large square noses and jaws, and heavy foreheads. Dwarves are of stocky build, whereas Giants tend to be lanky, both are, however, immensely strong, and could beat, say, a bear in a fight. Colour wise Both Giants and dwarves run the same way as most other Man, that is, white through to brown. Dwarf society is almost impossible to enter, the only way being through invitation, Giant society, however, is friendly and welcoming, one should have no trouble entering and being accepted. Dwarves and Giants have minor control over magic, and what they do have is mostly sensory, (hearing, sight, etc), however occasionally teleportation or levitation has been achieved.
Witches and Wizards (Magic Folk): At first glance it may seem as though a Witch or Wizard is nothing more than a Human being or a stunted Giant. This is because they are almost identical, at least externally. Internally is another matter, magic folk are blessed with more ribs than the average person, and a bony plate instead of a spine, this is because of the homunculus which is a pear shaped internal organ which is assumed to be the source of magical power, [this is restricted only to Witches and Wizards, fey and other races have their own magical source] removing the magic from a Witch or Wizard therefore becomes a painful operation. But all this detail still doesn’t help someone who wants to recognise a Witch or Wizard does it, and I’m afraid I cant help you, because nothing short of disembowelling a Witch or Wizard will help you recognise one. There is no such thing as magic folk society, Witches and Wizards tend to work alone or in small groups, and only socialise to decide on matters of great importance and cook up a wicked stir-fry. Witches and Wizards have great control over magic, being able to conjure and attack using spells and charms, however this can only be done through learning, so most just cant be arsed.
Part 3: Anthros: All walks of the Animal Kingdom
An Anthro (named after the Anthro god Anthross [Anne-throh-sss]) is not difficult to spot. In fact if you cant tell the difference between an anthro and, say, a golden Elf, then you are almost definitely mad. The characteristics of an anthro are thus; they are an animal with bipedal features, ie. An animal, say a jackal, standing on two legs and acting as though it were a Human or a Goblin etc. Skin colour is difficult to explain in the general sense of the word, so more will be explained when we get into specifics. Anthros quite definitely evolved from animals, this is blatantly obvious so I need not ego into detail. Your typical anthro is of medium build, tall when standing upright, and agile, fast, and nimble, this varies, of course, with species, but again, more later. Normal Anthros have no control over magic, however priests and pharaohs have a large control, as they are closer to Anthross than most.
Am: commonly referred to as Mammal, Am are characterised generally by their fur, which can be coloured from black through to grey passing by brown and golden as it goes. Of course this differs once we get into specific species, rhinoceros Anthros for instance, are almost always grey, and giraffe Anthros are almost always yellow with brown spots. But as a general term black through to grey describes the colouring best. Am language is very guttural and consists of a lot of body language as well as speech; it is difficult to learn such a language for anything not anthro, purely because our mouths are the wrong shape. Most Am have what is known as a wild side, this is due to evolutionary throwbacks in their genes which cause them to occasionally revert back to the animal they are, this only happens however, during times of stress or fear, so one needn’t worry. Am society is welcoming and friendly, but on the whole there is no real society, Anthros are the only race, which lives together in harmony with each other, and so there is only really Anthro society. Am have no greater tendency for magic than any other Anthro, unless of course, they are a priest.
Ep: Commonly referred to as reptile (and occasionally referred to as ‘lizard men’). Ep is characterized by their scales, which can be black through to deep green and then branching out into dark red or blue. Unlike Am there are very few species of Ep, well, no, what I meant to say was that most Ep look alike, being of medium build, slanted red or yellow eyes large crocodilian tail, and clawed hands and feet, whereas Am can be anything from furry wolves to stocky torti (although these should be referred to as Amph) The most distinct two species of Ep are snakes and lizards, the only real difference being the shape of face, which is more diamond with a snake, and the lack of legs, which is self explanatory. Ep language is hard to learn or understand, again because of physical differences, this time it being the tongue, which gets in the way. However surgery has been performed to remedy this on several different occasions. As said before the same thing goes for Ep society, although this is less apparent than with other species, as there are, in most cities, Ep communities that consist of only Ep. Ep have no greater tendency for magic.
Ir: Commonly known as Birds. All Anthros are different, so they are quite easy to tell apart. But Ir is easiest of all, mostly because of the fact that for the majority of the time they are airborne. Ir is the only species to have reached flight on a grand scale, being able to fly for Weeks at a time. Ir are characterised by their feathers, which can be a whole number of colours (often all at once) from green to white to yellow to red to black and mixtures of all of these. Ir is of small build with hollow bones; they have prominent chests, wings instead of arms, and beaks for mouths. It is owing to this that we can’t speak their language, which almost no other races can as it consists of tweeting, chirruping, and head bobbing, all three of which are impossible for anyone who is not Ir. Don’t try and enter Ir society because one: The whole Anthro society thing. And two: its just too high. Ir has a higher tendency to become priests or pharaohs than any other Anthro, and so in turn have more tendencies to control magic. Anthro magic however, as aforementioned, comes straight form the gods, so it is not inherent in the body of the Anthro. It is because of this that there are no Anthro Wizards or Witches, only clerics. And it is because of this that all Witches and Wizards hate Anthro clerics and their shoddy stir-fries.
Part 4: People of the Boulder (Literal or otherwise)
Of all the races of World people of the boulder (commonly called Trolls, although this is a misconception) are the easiest to spot, being large bulky creatures that look as though they are made of stone. They come in various shapes, although most are of the same size, being around one and a half times the average man or Elf. Men of the Boulder evolved from the stones and rocks; some say through magic, others through good old evolution, I believe it was a mixture of the two. Men of Boulder wear very little clothing, at least in most cases, their clothing tending to run in the loincloth direction. People of the Boulder tend to run from grey to lichen green, occasionally being red or blue, depending on environment, for instance those People of the Boulder from Antrictica are blue whereas the people from Migibai Desert are red skinned. Their features are sloping and large, with furrowed brows and large jaws. People of the Boulders control over magic is contained to moving the boulders of the world, and slipping into a rocky comatose.
Trolls: Trolls are characterised by their apparent rocky skin. They are the largest of the people of the boulder, being about the height of a Giant when fully grown, there features look as though they have been carved into their faces. Colour varies with the Trolls, depending on environment, as doe’s weight. For instance windier areas require larger shorter frames, whereas Trolls, who live in higher areas, such as mountains or cliff faces, are generally skinnier and taller. Trolls do not grow any kind of hair, instead they let grass and plants grow on their body, the more varied the plants a Troll has on its body, the further it has probably travelled. How can you tell the difference between a Troll and an Ogre? I hear you ask; well it’s as simple as this. Trolls actually look as though they are made of stone, in fact, most people believe they are, this however is a misconception, Trolls are actually covered by an exoskeleton, which serves in protecting them against the elements and other Trolls. Troll society is easy to enter, just hard to survive, as almost everything is settled with a fight, including haggling. Troll language is the easiest language to speak, because it consists entirely of body language, which is simple and concise. Trolls have control over the stones that they build their cities from, but this is their only form of magic.
Ogres: Ogres are characterised by their reptilian looking skin. You’ll know an Ogre when you see one, you’ll look up at it and think, that Giant green man looking down at me, that’s an Ogre. Ogres are the largest of all the species of world; standing two metres above you average Troll. As aforementioned their skin looks reptilian, this is however a misconception, Trolls have no relation to either Ep or Fey, their scales are in fact plates of bone which are covered in lichen probably picked up from a forested area, (It is probably best not to comment as Ogres are very personal about their lichen) Ogre features are flat and dull looking, their skin colour ranges from brown to grey. Ogres are generally bald, although the majority of Ogre kind has some form of facial hair, as this makes it easier to distinguish one from the other. Ogres are decidedly more rare than Trolls or the third men of Boulder species Ludo, however there are still large numbers present in most communities, as they are often used as slaves or machinery. Troll society is dangerous and should be avoided at all costs, kings are chosen through bloody massacres, which, this being Ogre society, most survive. You, however, being not an Ogre and possessing skin instead of exoskeleton as strong as Iron, so keep out! Ogre language consists pretty much of just grunts, and vague howling sounds, you could learn it, but like, why? Ogre magic is unpopular, as it is very draining. Mostly Ogre magic involves injuring oneself and mumbling a bit. No one is quite sure how this creates magic, but, y’know, it does the trick.
Ludo: Perhaps the most interesting of all people of the boulder, Ludo are often thought to be mythical in city areas as they often tend to shy away from civilisation, that’s not to say that they’re rare, in fact, there abundant higher up in the mountains, just that they are timid despite their appearance and height. Standing about the same size as a Troll, Ludo are distinguished by the shaggy hair which covers their entire body, their skin is generally white, but their hair can range from deep red to bright orange. Their features are flat and animalistic, some Ludo, mostly those that are fully mature or of high status, have large yellow tusks protruding from their mouths. Although Ludo appear to be the most primitive looking of all the people of the boulder, they are in fact highly intelligent, building houses and Irrigation systems for their small mountain communities. Ludo language is complicated but not impossible to understand, it is long and drawn out, and generally spoken with the neck extended. The most interesting thing about Ludo language is that it has very few words, and that these few words can mean several things depending on the inflection and context, so its not a hard language to learn, but it is a hard language to speak. Ludo society is secretive and shy, but if you do manage to enter you’ll be accepted for life, Ludo are proud people and will honour you as one of their own should you find your way into, say, saving the Ludo king, or killing a rabid wolf or something. Ludo have natural magic, they can talk to the grass and the trees, whether or not they say anything is another thing entirely.
Part extra: Some Common Phrases To Learn
Goblin:
Aki eg askiunt?: Where is your nearest brothel?
Egr ukium iunta: Take my wallet.
O’k igas tum: Well that’s uncles for you!
Elf:
(Anything presented as *‘s are to be considered spoken in another dimension)
Assium ***** siun *** os: I would ***** an ****** umbrella.
Sioo Assium nassias: My apologies.
**** ****’** *** *!: *** *** * **** ** ***!
Wee:
Pintai tooia nun: Sorry I squashed your brother.
Antiia tunuti ti?: What the [obscenity] are you doing in my hat?
Tia uni nomi tun: Where is your nearest brothel
Human:
What is the meaning of this?: (Anyone’s guess)
She sells seashells by the sea sure: (Perhaps a chant to bring more rain)
The kneecaps: (thought to be an insult)
Dwarf or Giant:
Ooahhus huooms: This granite is too hot
Ahhussssiooo uuhm oohsa?: can you direct me to the exit of this cave?
Ahiiuums huoooms suoms?: So what are you a giant dwarf or a midget giant? (Not recommended)
Witch or wizard:
Ey you git yer feet ootamee star fry!: Oi you, get your feet out of my stir-fry!
Whutdyee thunk yer dooin inmeeouse?: what do you thing your doing im my house?
Ye smell likadedthing: You smell unpleasant.
Am:
Argghhh roughghhhg ooughg: Table for two please.
Ourroooo rugh arghh?: Can you direct me to your nearest brothel?
Arf: (general exclamation of joy)
Ep:
[two toungue flicks] husg?: what time does this train leave?
Rugsss soinss [one foot forward tongue flick]: I am lost direct me to a police officer.
[open mouth]: I’m hungry.
Ir:
Tweet [bob] tawit [bob bob]: We are very high.
Twoo twit tweet [bob] witoo [head on one side]: Polly want a cracker (not recommended)
Tweet [bob] tweet: lets dance
Troll:
[Open palms twist right hand pretend your digging]: where can I dig a hole?
[one hand on head other out in fron one eye closed]: My foot is crushed.
[obscene finger motions]: please direct me to your nearest brothel (not recommended)
Ogre:
Ugh ghuagh ghgh ugh?: please may I purchase some bread?
Ghuugh ugh ghughu: Don’t kill me.
Gh: (general exclamation of joy)
Ludo:
Tuas: tree, small man, lost, stream with crab, man-humping polecat.
Untu: fishing, broken shoe, hungry, moon.
Loisipso: angry, fun, rock in a funny shape kind of like a question mark but not, brother.
Part final: Goodbye
So we’ve journeyed through world book, we’ve seen some people and some creatures and I hope your ready to face this wondrous multiracial world. And if you remember never to wink at an ogre, and that all goblins hate custard you should be ok. I hope you’ve enjoyed yourself reading this, as much as I enjoyed you paying for it.
Deepest regards and so on
Ebinizer Cake
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Author's Comments
Finished the guide
very happy with it all done if anyone sees anything they like or dont like please say as I am interested in lots of feedback I see the book as leather bound, brown, and with a stylized picture of an empty wallet on the cover with the title above it. full of more info than this of course but I'm not writing a full book. anyway glad you like it all characters copyright Scholars of Retardo everything else mE! |
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Comments
And that's why you're my friend.
I just got a fantastic inspiration for anthros!! I'm gonna draw them now!
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Remember, One must forgoe the self to attain total spiritual creamyness, and evade the chewy chunks of degredation
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You loved me as a loser, but now you're worried that I just might win. You know the way to stop me, but you lack the discipline. ~ Leonard Cohen, First We Take Manhatten
Avatar courtesy of ~ryfusd
it sounds really realistic
love the translations (guesse which ones especially) and the description of troll language
no spelling or grammer mistakes that i could spot
and a brilliant narrator who just wants the money!
9.5 / 10!
Fantabulas!
- knickyastuff for "the occasional bunch of paper that the guys on those wheely things throw at you.... f***ing punks
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-Max
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-Max
i'm proud as punch
seriously
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Every time she sneezes I believe it's love
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